10 Days

Penelope is now 10 days old. She's thriving, and it is amazing. Today's nurse let me be a little more hands on than I have been. I did my usual diaper changes, taking her temp, and cleaning the excess drool out of her mouth. Then I got to put lotion on her and clean her face. The nurse asked if I wanted to help change her bedding, so I got to pick out some new blankets. It's a three person job to change her bedding. One person holds the equipment, one person changes the blanket, and one person (me) PICKS UP THE BABY! I know how little a pound is, but I didn't really grasp exactly how little that was! While we had her all unbundled the nurse had to leave the room to talk about another patient, so I quick planted a big old kiss on her forehead!  I know I'm not supposed to, but that's what's going to happen when you leave me unsupervised! 

Her weight is currently 1lb 10oz, but don't get too excited yet. The medicine they have her on for the PDA can cause fluid retention, so we don't know how much of that is water weight. Speaking of the PDA, she has had two rounds of treatment. Both rounds have helped shrink the PDA, but it is not closed. They started the third and final round this evening. If this round doesn't work then it will have to be closed surgically. Basically they will make a tiny incision in her back, put a suture on the PDA to seal it, then close her up. The procedure would happen in her room. The recovery time would set us back a few days, but not weeks. So, it's not great news, but it's also not as horrible as I had made it out to be in my head. Let's just pray we don't have to go down that road at all.

The lucky one

Everyday I spend hours sitting at Penelope's side. I stare at her, I take a nap, I read a book, I talk to her, and I pump. I pump a lot. The doctors continually remind me that I am the lucky one, but it seems like such an oxymoron. How can anyone in the NICU be lucky?  Yesterday I met a woman who delivered at 39 weeks because her baby was having seizures in utero. At the time we met, her baby was lying on a cold table to cool her body temperature in an effort to stop the seizures. She was waiting on the results of some testing to find out if her baby had any brain function left. Today I watched a team of doctors run down the hall into another room. I counted at least 8 people run by. They were in the room for about 30 minutes before they all came out. They must have gotten there in time because the baby was still in the room when I left today.

I get to spend my days talking to my baby, changing her tiny diapers, and taking naps. I can go back to RMH for lunch and know that she will still be there when I return. Her most noteworthy event of the day is usually a poopy diaper. Yet the reality is that my baby is on life support. We need machines to do what my body no longer could. We have to spend so long in the NICU because we have 14 weeks of gestation to replace. So now I sit outside her new, very plastic 'womb' and I try to spend the day with her as I did before. Talking, napping, and most importantly, letting her know that I'm there.

Am I the lucky one? Yes, I guess I am.

Family

I'm going to keep it short tonight since Jeremy and Lucy are here. Today went okay. Upon physical exam this morning the resident could still here a murmur, but he wasnt positive it was the PDA. Her numbers all looked good, and lots of kids have murmurs. During the follow up EKG they could still see the PDA. It does appear to be more closed than it was. They started a second round of the medicine this afternoon. So its not great news, but its not horrible either. On a positive note she is starting to digest breastmilk. She also had a few poopy diapers. So we just need to get over this PDA hurdle and it will be time to start pumping her full of milk!